This weekend marks the one year anniversary of what I am calling the death of me! I can’t help but think of the new Brad Paisley song “Death of a married man”. The song is a humorous parody about a man that has a heart attack, dies on the table and comes back to life with very different ideas about being married. I know it’s not related to weight but I chuckle when I hear it and think had I not had a life changing diagnoses, I would have stayed miserable and never known it. I remember the phone call from the nurse, as if it were yesterday, telling me I had diabetes and it was out of control. There was lots of tears, self recrimination, wanting to go back in time, and on and on. Looking back, on the year, I think this has been about fixing me from the inside out. Diabetes has made me take a hard look at who I was, and who I wanted to become. The only way I know how to explain it is that it’s like living in a prison of our own making, and we don’t even know it’s a prison. God wants His best for our lives. The freedom I now have and enjoy has helped me see the prison I was really living in. Sixty-seven pounds and counting. I could be content to stop here and convince myself it’s enough, but I am learning to see the lies. The thing I am learning is the lies change in my head. “We are our own biggest liars” ~ Matt Chandler. I totally understand the sword of the spirit thing! I am really reflecting on how thankful I am that God has opened my eyes, and has given me the drive and desire to change. This last month has brought many changes to our family. We are typically a crazy, busy family. Our kids show cattle, play sports, take music lessons … and that’s just the kids. My husband and I teach, are active in church, run a small ranch, and everything else in between. I love everything about family, and after 23 years of marriage, 2 wonderful kids, I’m learning to take care of me. Here is a list of a few of the lies, and how I now think differently.
1. I’ll never be able to do this, it’s too big an obstacle.
Has changed too…
One step, one pound at a time.
And yes I still have to remind myself everyday even being 3/4 of the way there.
2. I don’t have time
Has changed to…..
I don’t have a choice – diabetes = a slow painful death
I do have time
Now a day doesn’t go by I’m not thinking about the gym or exercise
3. I will never be able to…..
Has changed to….
Pain is temporary or I can do it
I am successfully doing things my body never thought was possible.
4. There’s nothing I can eat here (excuse to make a bad choice)
Has changed to….
I am worth asking for them to make something for me I can have
Can we maybe go here instead (usually a yes, I just never asked)
It only taste good while it’s going down skinny and strong tastes way better!
5. It (chocolate, ice cream, french fries) will make you feel better
Has changed to…
allowing myself to feel the emotion.
My oldest daughter just graduated from high school and there has been lots of stress and
emotion. I can honestly say to feel is much better than masking even when it hurts.
I am learning to manage my time and put some me in there. Yes, it is hard because the old woman keeps wanting to be brought back to life, but I am learning that as I continue to feed the new me the old one has less power and the new one is stronger!
So back to the death of me, I am glad to write her obituary! I don’t want to see that girl again. I see what I thought was impossible, is now almost a reality. Time passes and unless we purposefully pursue the change we stay the same, don’t let Satans lies keep you from living your life to the fullest. If anything I’ve learned time passes anyway, it’s up to me how it passes.
Phil 4:13 by Gods grace and through His strength!