The battlefield

“You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it” ~ Margaret Thatcher

I sit here a few weeks after blogging about my year of victory and how far I’ve come, to a girl fighting the same battle again. After my blog I was feeling pretty good about the success I’ve had and pretty confident in where I was going. I should learn to practice what I write and say. I should know that when you put it all out there you will be tested! I have had a huge struggle the last two weeks with my eating. I wasn’t able to exercise due to a virus ending in bronchitis and I went to food as comfort. I ended up gaining 4 lbs this last week. Ive heard the voices say…..you’ve been sick, its just water weight, etc…well i have to own it to change it. I am snacking more and making some poor choices. On our way to the trainer tonight I was talking with my husband about the struggles I’ve been having. I am the type of person that always wants to appear to have it together. I have always had a really hard time being vulnerable and transparent. I know it’s that pride thing….never let me see you sweat and all that. Mark and I talked about a few things and he was able to point out that I have gone back to my same m.o.! I deal with stress by eating. There are lots of changes happening in our family. A daughter leaving for college in a few months, our son and school, the whole family being home for the summer, just to name a few. The changes along with being pretty sick created the perfect storm. You may think that’s nothing, but what stress has done was create an environment to start the downward spiral. I love the quote I started with because it goes against what most of us believe about fighting a battle. There will be some battles that will be like the thorn in Paul’s side. This doesn’t mean there can’t be victory it just means I need to be on guard and fight the good fight. I let the scale dictate my attitude. I immediately began the negative self talk. I started not feeling good about myself, which led to poor eating choices, which led to more negative self talk back to you guessed it…..food. I just finished watching extreme make over weight loss edition and was once again touched at how weight is more than just about the food. Yes it can be discouraging to think I will have to battle this again and again. There are so many of us in bondage, it can be in many different forms. The only way to break free is to fight, minute by minute, day by day, hour by hour. Doing battle on my own can be exhausting. I know in my head to reach out to my support group but it goes back to that pride thing….I do know I will never have victory in that area until I surrender it. I already have the answer, the battle belongs to the Lord. I just need to remember that along with all those squats, lunges, crunches and so on, I need to hit my knees and reach out to those around me. I need to see the crossroad before the crisis, and as a friend once told me I need to H.A.L.T. (when I’m hungry, angry, lonely, or tired) I have found that had I halted earlier in the week at the crossroad I wouldn’t have dug a pit for me to crawl out of. One thing I am learning is that as I progress down this road to victory it’s not gonna be a perfect pretty thing, but it’s gonna be stronger because of the bumps along the way. It’s a new day and a new battle!
Blessings, Cathy

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