Noticeably absent is what I notice first when I look back on my posts. It has been good to go back and read where I have been and what it took to get me there. I have been absent due to the struggle within. I have been steadily gaining back weight for the last 8 months and can’t seem to get back on track. I had gained about 15 pounds back and was doing the lose 5 gain 5 routine. In January of this past year my trainer that I had for a couple years moved away and it really set me back. I am now 22 pounds heavier and I refuse to give up on me and become that old girl again. My trainer Jared taught me how to be mentally strong and I have so much to thank him for! Through this process I am learning that its all on me and I am strong enough to do this on my own. Somewhere along the way though I settled and started slipping. I started putting everything else first…wife, mother, activities…people needed me right…I still workout and meal plan but not to the degree I was before and I want that girl back! I want to be the better version of me again that is happy and balanced. No more excuses, I am going to take back ground! I need to fight the old me and I can do that because I know her so well!
Keeping it short and sweet tonight…
May has been a month of parties, banquets, and gatherings. School banquets to graduation parties and everything in-between seem to happen the month of May. One more week of celebrations then its summer! I always remember the quote I heard from Dr. Phil years ago “life is managed, not cured’. How true is that when we are faced with that which we struggle with. Last blog I talked about 4 weeks of hitting it hard and so far so good…until its party time. No, seriously it is a daily challenge to manage this journey. There are seasons that the daily routine becomes crazy and hectic. I haven’t been perfect in my diet but I have managed. I actually took my own food with me to one banquet because I knew my only options were chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes and bread. It felt awkward at first and then my sweet daughter said “mom it’s only awkward if you make it that way”. Well turns out no one said anything, I discreetly opened my grilled chicken and salad and never looked back. I keep going back to having a plan. During this season of banquets I am forever asking whats on the menu so I can prepare accordingly. Only 6 more pounds to go til my goal on June 16. I think I am going to have to be almost perfect in my diet to get there but its do-able.
“A diamond is a piece of charcoal that handled stress exceptionally well” – unknown
Blessings and here’s to all the parties
This week has been tough getting back on track with detoxing from our annual church campout. I went in with a plan and good intentions to eat healthy. Friday night I found myself with an ice cream cone filled with goodies toasted over the fire…..and the weekend continued in all its fried food and gooey goodness. I swear there is a green eyed monster inside me that craves sugar. Once I start I can’t seem to stop. Over the last couple of years I have learned so much about physical strength and toughness when working out and I know mental toughness is key during a tough workout (this week I have 2 blisters and 2 skinned knees to prove it). I remember being on mile 10 in my first half marathon when my phone rang and it was my husband calling to encourage me. I just wanted him to come get me or make it stop. I persurveered and the accomplishment I felt afterwards was so rewarding. That mental toughness I had been working on at the gym had paid off (not to mention running it with encouraging friends). I am learning I need that same mental toughness and self control when eating. I find myself going to the kitchen nightly and wanting to graze. It has been a habit of mine for years. I have tried all the tools of turning the lights off in the kitchen, pictures of skinny me on the pantry door, goals on the fridge, I still graze. It dawned on me this week that the mind is a muscle as well and it can be strengthened as well. I may not win every battle but each time I reject that grazing reflex I am getting stronger (you know what doesn’t kill you). My faith is playing a huge part in this battle. God will not share his glory with anything else and He wants the glory for this work He is doing. I am tired of being a prisoner of the past and if the girl that can do all the crazy stuff at the gym decides to take on this eating…she can do anything. “Don’t take orders from a cookie” was on one of my motivational cards and I really took that to heart when it was followed up by “Give God your weakness and He will give you His strength”. I don’t want to be ruled by the cravings of the flesh, I want food to take its place which is just nourishment for the body. I have had many years of eating for celebration, stress, boredom and so on….. Each day I become mentally stronger is a day closer to putting food in its rightful place. It says in Romans “We are more than conquerors through Him who loved us”.
I recently bought a deck of blank cards…and yes they were blank. Several years ago during a season of being controlled by worry I made a notecards with scripture and things relating to conquering it. I carried it everywhere and it was a great tool to break free from the bondage of worry. I was thinking about that and decided I needed one for motivation and weight loss tips. After researching on pinterest (a great place to get encouragement to eat healthy and exercise). I came up with the deck of cards idea (who knew they sold blank ones on amazon). It has been such positive reinforcement for me. At any given time you can find one of those cards with me. I thought I would share some of my favorites.
Overtime your tempted to react in the same old way, ask yourself…..do you want to be a prisoner of the past.
I was made for more than to be stuck in this mountain of defeat. Turn North! Deuteronomy 2:3
We’ll never make it to our milestones if we can’t make it through our moments.
I’m not here to be average, I’m here to be AWESOME.
Eat clean 80/20 (Still struggle with that one…)
Give God your weakness and He will give you His strength!
You’ve come to far in life to take orders from a cookie. (for years I took orders from the pantry and the cravings)
Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed!
and my favorite as of today…..This is NOT how the story ends!
Not sure the story is ever over but I am learning to manage this life and the body that God gave me for his glory.
Use whatever tools you can find to motivate you! I find I am able to fight the battle when I am positively focused on the path ahead thinking “I can do this”. I know I would not be able to do this without the support and encouragement from friends and family. I have enlisted their help along the way to help keep me honest. I will leave you with a funny one that happened last week. The family all went to eat Barbecue and this place has the best cobbler (my weakness). I convinced my daughter to split one with me and she said yes (after the pleading eye look). I was enjoying my first couple bites and my phone buzzes and I of course ignore it. My son says hey mom look at your phone, I get a puzzled look and pick the phone up. There was a text from him with my weight……I had a choice…get mad at him for pointing that out because who is he to be telling me that…. or take it as admonishment and a gentle reminder…. You see I had been complaining about not losing weight all week and he decided to text me my weight. I died laughing (the old me would have killed him for pointing that out). He has been on this journey with me and knows how I struggle. The point is do whatever it takes to reach out or come alongside someone and encourage them. We all need reminders and something to keep us on track. I read somewhere that it takes 4 positive thoughts to negate 1 negative one. I now have 52 reasons and a whole lot more to wake up each day and be armed and ready to fight the battle.
I recently posted an article on my Facebook page about things no one tells women about their weight loss journey. This is going on year 2 of my weight loss and I have found the scale creeping back up. I am back to the “200”s….204 to be exact. November of this last year I pitched the nutrition ball into someone else’s court. Trouble is it has bounced back and got me. We went on a trip and I decided I was going to have Cracker Barrel (biscuits and gravy among other things) and lots of carbs that were not the good kind and it led to me eating more and more of that stuff. I kept this pattern up through Christmas until I said enough. I slowly began creeping back up the scale. The summer we went to Hawaii I was at my lowest 185 so how did I get back to an 19 pound weight gain…..I thought I had buried that old me but she lurks in there waiting to rear her head. I have been gaining and losing the same 5 pounds for the last 3 months (can I get and amen).
I was encouraged to blog again by a few of you and I just didn’t want to be “transparent” in my struggle or show that I didn’t have it as together as appeared. I still have the desire to use all this for God’s glory but that pride thing has held me back. I still want to pursue Physical training/nutrition but I always feel I can’t because I want to be believable and be that 150lb. “fit” girl that “looks” the part. I am beginning to see the lie in that thought. These past few weeks I have been feeling like I should share the struggle of my story because I am finding that this journey is not an easy one but a consistent, fighting in the trenches daily battle. I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t loosing until I plugged in my food to my fitness pal (the stuff I could remember) last night and it was a whopping 1700 calories…..not a way to lose the weight. I am still exercising and loving the fit lifestyle but as they say the battle is won in the kitchen. It’s 80% nutrition and 20% exercise. I think it all boils down to that ugly word “flesh”. Sunday the preacher told the story about the 2 dogs….well I have been feeding the wrong one (google old indian proverb about the 2 dogs) I have been feeding it literally stuff I know that originally got me in this place but then I cry and whine because the “scale” isn’t moving. Time to get real with myself so I’m going to make my journey transparent and get back to blogging again.
I just want to encourage you no matter where you are in the battle DON’T GIVE UP! I could focus on how far I have to go or I can get wrapped up in a “number” but I don’t want to do that, instead I will keep moving forward. I want to learn from each step I take (hopefully I won’t have to repeat to many of them) and move on to freedom.
Today I ran across the passage Jeremiah 32:17 Behold, I am the Lord the God of all flesh, (theres that word again) is there anything to hard for me? I answer with a resounding NO!
I can’t tell you how many times I was asked what I have done these last few weeks. People want to know “What are you doing?” We’ll there is no secret answer. I have noticed over the years there are so many “diets” out there that claim to be the “one”. There is the old grapefruit diet, the cabbage diet, the Adkins, as well as hundreds of others. I have learned the secret and it’s pretty simple……..are you ready……calories in = calories out! Continue reading
When the enemy tells you you’re going to fail at something, do it anyway. Nothing is more frightening than never changing. Continue reading