Absent and in Hiding

 

Noticeably absent is what I notice first when I look back on my posts.  It has been good to go back and read where I have been and what it took to get me there.  I have been absent due to the struggle within.  I have been steadily gaining back weight for the last 8 months and can’t seem to get back on track.  I had gained about 15 pounds back and was doing the lose 5 gain 5 routine.  In January of this past year my trainer that I had for a couple years moved away and it really set me back. I am now 22 pounds heavier and I refuse to give up on me and become that old girl again.  My trainer Jared taught me how to be mentally strong and I have so much to thank him for!  Through this process I am learning that its all on me and I am strong enough to do this on my own.  Somewhere along the way though I settled and started slipping.  I started putting everything else first…wife, mother, activities…people needed me right…I still workout and meal plan but not to the degree I was before and I want that girl back! I want to be the better version of me again that is happy and balanced.  No more excuses, I am going to take back ground!  I need to fight the old me and I can do that because I know her so well!

Keeping it short and sweet tonight…

Blessings Cathy

 

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4 Weeks of Digging Deep

Monday started my less than 4 week major crack down on my diet.  I shared before that I have slowly let the scale move back up and I have found all the new clothes I bought after losing so much weight are snug (not going to have that).  I am going to have to dig deep and stay committed to the process for the next 26 days…We are going on our big camping vacation mid June and I refuse to buy bigger clothes just to be comfortable.  I have really cracked down on the eating and I am trying to make better choices.   I find its not the meals that get me, its the snacking or “nibbling” here and there that really add up!  My family has really been encouraging me to beat this thing and helping me stay accountable and I can’t thank them enough.  We all need a support system and some form of accountability. I have found that my family helps me in their own quirky way.  True story here….We were having dinner one night at a great barbecue place and I got a peach cobbler with ice cream to share with my daughter.  My phone goes off (we don’t use technology during meal time) and my son says hey mom your phone went off, you need to look at it…..he texted me my weight…..that cobbler didn’t taste that good after that.  He is awesome at making me laugh or encouraging me by challenging me. My daughter on the other hand encourages me by trying to eat as clean as possible with me.  I don’t see her as much since she is in college but when we are together if she sees me struggling she will lay her hand on me and just says “mom”.  She has such a sweet way of reminding me.  Through all this I have incorporated my family and I couldn’t do it without them.  One new thing that I am doing that really helps the snacking at night is walking with my husband.  Everything I do usually has a purpose.  When I am walking it’s to warm up to go run, or I am getting ready to weight train or work out, but never do I walk for just walking to enjoy my surroundings.  My husband has cerebral palsy and has a limp and we are preparing for a hiking vacation this summer in Montana.  To encourage him and help him be ready for all our crazy hikes he has been walking at night.  He is an amazing guy that lets nothing stop him.  He does move slower than most and struggles with some tasks due to lack of flexibility. We walked 2 miles tonight just enjoying each other laughing and racing each other to the driveway.  I don’t tell him enough but after 25 years of marriage he is still my rock and my inspiration. I see the things he has accomplished and I find I have no excuse but to keep trying.  I have a goal of 10 pounds in the next 4 weeks and the only way I can achieve it is by leaning on those that are walking with me in this battle.  I hope you have a source of encouragement and motivation.  Find one and reach out to those around you if not, it can make all the difference in the world.

Blessings, Cathy

You are braver than you believe,

Stronger than you seem,

Smarter than you think

and

Loved more than you’ll ever know.

-A.A. Milne

52 Reasons

I recently bought a deck of blank cards…and yes they were blank.  Several years ago during a season of being controlled by worry I made a notecards with scripture and things relating to conquering it.  I carried it everywhere and it was a great tool to break free from the bondage of worry.  I was thinking about that and decided I needed one for motivation and weight loss tips.  After researching on pinterest (a great place to get encouragement to eat healthy and exercise).   I came up with the deck of cards idea (who knew they sold blank ones on amazon).  It has been such positive reinforcement for me.  At any given time you can find one of those cards with me.  I thought I would share some of my favorites.

Overtime your tempted to react in the same old way, ask yourself…..do you want to be a prisoner of the past.

I was made for  more than to be stuck in this mountain of defeat.  Turn North! Deuteronomy 2:3

We’ll never make it to our milestones if we can’t make it through our moments.

I’m not here to be average, I’m here to be AWESOME.

Eat clean 80/20 (Still struggle with that one…)

Give God your weakness and He will give you His strength!

You’ve come to far in life to take orders from a cookie. (for years I took orders from the pantry and the cravings)

Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed!

and my favorite as of today…..This is NOT how the story ends!

Not sure the story is ever over but I am learning to manage this life and the body that God gave me for his glory.

Use whatever tools you can find to motivate you!  I find I am able to fight the battle when I am positively focused on the path ahead thinking “I can do this”.  I know I would  not be able to do this without the support and encouragement from friends and family.  I have enlisted their help along the way to help keep me honest.  I will leave you with a funny one that happened last week.  The family all went to eat Barbecue and this place has the best cobbler (my weakness).  I convinced my daughter to split one with me and she said yes (after the pleading eye look).  I was enjoying my first couple bites and my phone buzzes and I of course ignore it.  My son says hey mom look at your phone, I get a puzzled look and pick the phone up.  There was a text from him with my weight……I had a choice…get mad at him for pointing that out because who is he to be telling me that…. or take it as admonishment and a gentle reminder….  You see I had been complaining about not losing weight all week and he decided to text me my weight.  I died laughing (the old me would have killed him for pointing that out).  He has been on this journey with me and knows how I struggle.  The point is do whatever it takes to reach out or come alongside someone and encourage them.  We all need reminders and something to keep us on track.  I read somewhere that it takes 4 positive thoughts to negate 1 negative one.  I now have 52 reasons and a whole lot more to wake up each day and be armed and ready to fight the battle.

Blessings, Cathy

I’m not where I want to be but thank God I’m not where I was!  

I recently posted an article on my Facebook page about things no one tells women about their weight loss journey.  This is going on year 2 of my weight loss and I have found the scale creeping back up.  I am back to the “200”s….204 to be exact.  November of this last year I pitched the nutrition ball into someone else’s court.  Trouble is it has bounced back and got me.  We went on a trip and I decided I was going to have Cracker Barrel (biscuits and gravy among other things) and lots of carbs that were not the good kind and it led to me eating more and more of that stuff. I kept this pattern up through Christmas until I said enough.  I slowly began creeping back up the scale.  The summer we went to Hawaii I was at my lowest 185 so how did I get back to an 19 pound weight gain…..I thought I had buried that old me but she lurks in there waiting to rear her head.  I have been gaining and losing the same 5 pounds for the last 3 months (can I get and amen).

I was encouraged to blog again by a few of you and I just didn’t want to be “transparent” in my struggle or show that I didn’t have it as together as appeared. I still have the desire to use all this for God’s glory but that pride thing has held me back.  I still want to pursue Physical training/nutrition but I always feel I can’t because I want to be believable and be that 150lb. “fit” girl that “looks” the part. I am beginning to see the lie in that thought.  These past few weeks I have been feeling like I should share the struggle of my story because I am finding that this journey is not an easy one but a consistent, fighting in the trenches daily battle.  I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t loosing until I plugged in my food to my fitness pal (the stuff I could remember) last night and it was a whopping 1700 calories…..not a way to lose the weight.  I am still exercising and loving the fit lifestyle but as they say the battle is won in the kitchen.  It’s 80% nutrition and 20% exercise.  I think it all boils down to that ugly word “flesh”.  Sunday the preacher told the story about the 2 dogs….well I have been feeding the wrong one (google old indian proverb about the 2 dogs) I have been feeding it literally stuff I know that originally got me in this place but then I cry and whine because the “scale” isn’t moving.  Time to get real with myself so I’m going to make my journey transparent and get back to blogging again.

I just want to encourage you  no matter where you are in the battle DON’T GIVE UP!  I could focus on how far I have to go or I can get wrapped up in a “number” but I don’t want to do that, instead I will keep moving forward. I want to learn from each step I take (hopefully I won’t have to repeat to many of them) and move on to freedom.

Today I ran across the passage Jeremiah 32:17 Behold, I am the Lord the God of all flesh, (theres that word again) is there anything to hard for me?  I answer with a resounding NO!

No secret formula

I can’t tell you how many times I was asked what I have done these last few weeks. People want to know “What are you doing?” We’ll there is no secret answer. I have noticed over the years there are so many “diets” out there that claim to be the “one”. There is the old grapefruit diet, the cabbage diet, the Adkins, as well as hundreds of others. I have learned the secret and it’s pretty simple……..are you ready……calories in = calories out! Continue reading

The battlefield

“You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it” ~ Margaret Thatcher

I sit here a few weeks after blogging about my year of victory and how far I’ve come, to a girl fighting the same battle again. After my blog I was feeling pretty good about the success I’ve had and pretty confident in where I was going. I should learn to practice what I write and say. I should know that when you put it all out there you will be tested! I have had a huge struggle the last two weeks with my eating. I wasn’t able to exercise due to a virus ending in bronchitis and I went to food as comfort. Continue reading