Absent and in Hiding

 

Noticeably absent is what I notice first when I look back on my posts.  It has been good to go back and read where I have been and what it took to get me there.  I have been absent due to the struggle within.  I have been steadily gaining back weight for the last 8 months and can’t seem to get back on track.  I had gained about 15 pounds back and was doing the lose 5 gain 5 routine.  In January of this past year my trainer that I had for a couple years moved away and it really set me back. I am now 22 pounds heavier and I refuse to give up on me and become that old girl again.  My trainer Jared taught me how to be mentally strong and I have so much to thank him for!  Through this process I am learning that its all on me and I am strong enough to do this on my own.  Somewhere along the way though I settled and started slipping.  I started putting everything else first…wife, mother, activities…people needed me right…I still workout and meal plan but not to the degree I was before and I want that girl back! I want to be the better version of me again that is happy and balanced.  No more excuses, I am going to take back ground!  I need to fight the old me and I can do that because I know her so well!

Keeping it short and sweet tonight…

Blessings Cathy

 

I’m not where I want to be but thank God I’m not where I was!  

I recently posted an article on my Facebook page about things no one tells women about their weight loss journey.  This is going on year 2 of my weight loss and I have found the scale creeping back up.  I am back to the “200”s….204 to be exact.  November of this last year I pitched the nutrition ball into someone else’s court.  Trouble is it has bounced back and got me.  We went on a trip and I decided I was going to have Cracker Barrel (biscuits and gravy among other things) and lots of carbs that were not the good kind and it led to me eating more and more of that stuff. I kept this pattern up through Christmas until I said enough.  I slowly began creeping back up the scale.  The summer we went to Hawaii I was at my lowest 185 so how did I get back to an 19 pound weight gain…..I thought I had buried that old me but she lurks in there waiting to rear her head.  I have been gaining and losing the same 5 pounds for the last 3 months (can I get and amen).

I was encouraged to blog again by a few of you and I just didn’t want to be “transparent” in my struggle or show that I didn’t have it as together as appeared. I still have the desire to use all this for God’s glory but that pride thing has held me back.  I still want to pursue Physical training/nutrition but I always feel I can’t because I want to be believable and be that 150lb. “fit” girl that “looks” the part. I am beginning to see the lie in that thought.  These past few weeks I have been feeling like I should share the struggle of my story because I am finding that this journey is not an easy one but a consistent, fighting in the trenches daily battle.  I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t loosing until I plugged in my food to my fitness pal (the stuff I could remember) last night and it was a whopping 1700 calories…..not a way to lose the weight.  I am still exercising and loving the fit lifestyle but as they say the battle is won in the kitchen.  It’s 80% nutrition and 20% exercise.  I think it all boils down to that ugly word “flesh”.  Sunday the preacher told the story about the 2 dogs….well I have been feeding the wrong one (google old indian proverb about the 2 dogs) I have been feeding it literally stuff I know that originally got me in this place but then I cry and whine because the “scale” isn’t moving.  Time to get real with myself so I’m going to make my journey transparent and get back to blogging again.

I just want to encourage you  no matter where you are in the battle DON’T GIVE UP!  I could focus on how far I have to go or I can get wrapped up in a “number” but I don’t want to do that, instead I will keep moving forward. I want to learn from each step I take (hopefully I won’t have to repeat to many of them) and move on to freedom.

Today I ran across the passage Jeremiah 32:17 Behold, I am the Lord the God of all flesh, (theres that word again) is there anything to hard for me?  I answer with a resounding NO!

No secret formula

I can’t tell you how many times I was asked what I have done these last few weeks. People want to know “What are you doing?” We’ll there is no secret answer. I have noticed over the years there are so many “diets” out there that claim to be the “one”. There is the old grapefruit diet, the cabbage diet, the Adkins, as well as hundreds of others. I have learned the secret and it’s pretty simple……..are you ready……calories in = calories out! Continue reading

The battlefield

“You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it” ~ Margaret Thatcher

I sit here a few weeks after blogging about my year of victory and how far I’ve come, to a girl fighting the same battle again. After my blog I was feeling pretty good about the success I’ve had and pretty confident in where I was going. I should learn to practice what I write and say. I should know that when you put it all out there you will be tested! I have had a huge struggle the last two weeks with my eating. I wasn’t able to exercise due to a virus ending in bronchitis and I went to food as comfort. Continue reading

Anniversary of the death of a fat lady

This weekend marks the one year anniversary of what I am calling the death of me! I can’t help but think of the new Brad Paisley song “Death of a married man”. The song is a humorous parody about a man that has a heart attack, dies on the table and comes back to life with very different ideas about being married. I know it’s not related to weight but I chuckle when I hear it and think had I not had a life changing diagnoses, I would have stayed miserable and never known it. Continue reading

Ups and downs

I have decide there are lots of ups and downs to this weight loss process. It’s just that a process. I have been back and forth battling getting down on myself because it seems like this journey isn’t progressing fast enough. Today was my check up with the diabetes Dr. and I was hoping for good news. I was wanting to get off my medication due to great numbers and lifestyle changes. I woke up back at 201 and no it wasn’t water retention or too much salt etc…. (more on that later) my A1C numbers were great (5.7) and scale was down 13 lbs since last visit (6 months ago). Continue reading