Noticeably absent is what I notice first when I look back on my posts. It has been good to go back and read where I have been and what it took to get me there. I have been absent due to the struggle within. I have been steadily gaining back weight for the last 8 months and can’t seem to get back on track. I had gained about 15 pounds back and was doing the lose 5 gain 5 routine. In January of this past year my trainer that I had for a couple years moved away and it really set me back. I am now 22 pounds heavier and I refuse to give up on me and become that old girl again. My trainer Jared taught me how to be mentally strong and I have so much to thank him for! Through this process I am learning that its all on me and I am strong enough to do this on my own. Somewhere along the way though I settled and started slipping. I started putting everything else first…wife, mother, activities…people needed me right…I still workout and meal plan but not to the degree I was before and I want that girl back! I want to be the better version of me again that is happy and balanced. No more excuses, I am going to take back ground! I need to fight the old me and I can do that because I know her so well!
Keeping it short and sweet tonight…
This week has been tough getting back on track with detoxing from our annual church campout. I went in with a plan and good intentions to eat healthy. Friday night I found myself with an ice cream cone filled with goodies toasted over the fire…..and the weekend continued in all its fried food and gooey goodness. I swear there is a green eyed monster inside me that craves sugar. Once I start I can’t seem to stop. Over the last couple of years I have learned so much about physical strength and toughness when working out and I know mental toughness is key during a tough workout (this week I have 2 blisters and 2 skinned knees to prove it). I remember being on mile 10 in my first half marathon when my phone rang and it was my husband calling to encourage me. I just wanted him to come get me or make it stop. I persurveered and the accomplishment I felt afterwards was so rewarding. That mental toughness I had been working on at the gym had paid off (not to mention running it with encouraging friends). I am learning I need that same mental toughness and self control when eating. I find myself going to the kitchen nightly and wanting to graze. It has been a habit of mine for years. I have tried all the tools of turning the lights off in the kitchen, pictures of skinny me on the pantry door, goals on the fridge, I still graze. It dawned on me this week that the mind is a muscle as well and it can be strengthened as well. I may not win every battle but each time I reject that grazing reflex I am getting stronger (you know what doesn’t kill you). My faith is playing a huge part in this battle. God will not share his glory with anything else and He wants the glory for this work He is doing. I am tired of being a prisoner of the past and if the girl that can do all the crazy stuff at the gym decides to take on this eating…she can do anything. “Don’t take orders from a cookie” was on one of my motivational cards and I really took that to heart when it was followed up by “Give God your weakness and He will give you His strength”. I don’t want to be ruled by the cravings of the flesh, I want food to take its place which is just nourishment for the body. I have had many years of eating for celebration, stress, boredom and so on….. Each day I become mentally stronger is a day closer to putting food in its rightful place. It says in Romans “We are more than conquerors through Him who loved us”.
I love the song Overcomer by Mandissa. The journey I have been on this past year and 3 months has all been about overcoming. Today has been the best day for good news! I have been on Metformin for my diabetes for 14 months and today the Dr. Said the magic words (not so magic because it was all dedication and hard work) “I am taking you off your Metformin, and I would call you a non-diabetic”. I know I will always have this disease but being able to manage it with diet and exercise is words I have longed to hear! The woman that was beaten down and discouraged thinking it was too big a mountain to climb reached the top today! Continue reading
This weekend marks the one year anniversary of what I am calling the death of me! I can’t help but think of the new Brad Paisley song “Death of a married man”. The song is a humorous parody about a man that has a heart attack, dies on the table and comes back to life with very different ideas about being married. I know it’s not related to weight but I chuckle when I hear it and think had I not had a life changing diagnoses, I would have stayed miserable and never known it. Continue reading