Noticeably absent is what I notice first when I look back on my posts. It has been good to go back and read where I have been and what it took to get me there. I have been absent due to the struggle within. I have been steadily gaining back weight for the last 8 months and can’t seem to get back on track. I had gained about 15 pounds back and was doing the lose 5 gain 5 routine. In January of this past year my trainer that I had for a couple years moved away and it really set me back. I am now 22 pounds heavier and I refuse to give up on me and become that old girl again. My trainer Jared taught me how to be mentally strong and I have so much to thank him for! Through this process I am learning that its all on me and I am strong enough to do this on my own. Somewhere along the way though I settled and started slipping. I started putting everything else first…wife, mother, activities…people needed me right…I still workout and meal plan but not to the degree I was before and I want that girl back! I want to be the better version of me again that is happy and balanced. No more excuses, I am going to take back ground! I need to fight the old me and I can do that because I know her so well!
Keeping it short and sweet tonight…
May has been a month of parties, banquets, and gatherings. School banquets to graduation parties and everything in-between seem to happen the month of May. One more week of celebrations then its summer! I always remember the quote I heard from Dr. Phil years ago “life is managed, not cured’. How true is that when we are faced with that which we struggle with. Last blog I talked about 4 weeks of hitting it hard and so far so good…until its party time. No, seriously it is a daily challenge to manage this journey. There are seasons that the daily routine becomes crazy and hectic. I haven’t been perfect in my diet but I have managed. I actually took my own food with me to one banquet because I knew my only options were chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes and bread. It felt awkward at first and then my sweet daughter said “mom it’s only awkward if you make it that way”. Well turns out no one said anything, I discreetly opened my grilled chicken and salad and never looked back. I keep going back to having a plan. During this season of banquets I am forever asking whats on the menu so I can prepare accordingly. Only 6 more pounds to go til my goal on June 16. I think I am going to have to be almost perfect in my diet to get there but its do-able.
“A diamond is a piece of charcoal that handled stress exceptionally well” – unknown
Blessings and here’s to all the parties
Monday started my less than 4 week major crack down on my diet. I shared before that I have slowly let the scale move back up and I have found all the new clothes I bought after losing so much weight are snug (not going to have that). I am going to have to dig deep and stay committed to the process for the next 26 days…We are going on our big camping vacation mid June and I refuse to buy bigger clothes just to be comfortable. I have really cracked down on the eating and I am trying to make better choices. I find its not the meals that get me, its the snacking or “nibbling” here and there that really add up! My family has really been encouraging me to beat this thing and helping me stay accountable and I can’t thank them enough. We all need a support system and some form of accountability. I have found that my family helps me in their own quirky way. True story here….We were having dinner one night at a great barbecue place and I got a peach cobbler with ice cream to share with my daughter. My phone goes off (we don’t use technology during meal time) and my son says hey mom your phone went off, you need to look at it…..he texted me my weight…..that cobbler didn’t taste that good after that. He is awesome at making me laugh or encouraging me by challenging me. My daughter on the other hand encourages me by trying to eat as clean as possible with me. I don’t see her as much since she is in college but when we are together if she sees me struggling she will lay her hand on me and just says “mom”. She has such a sweet way of reminding me. Through all this I have incorporated my family and I couldn’t do it without them. One new thing that I am doing that really helps the snacking at night is walking with my husband. Everything I do usually has a purpose. When I am walking it’s to warm up to go run, or I am getting ready to weight train or work out, but never do I walk for just walking to enjoy my surroundings. My husband has cerebral palsy and has a limp and we are preparing for a hiking vacation this summer in Montana. To encourage him and help him be ready for all our crazy hikes he has been walking at night. He is an amazing guy that lets nothing stop him. He does move slower than most and struggles with some tasks due to lack of flexibility. We walked 2 miles tonight just enjoying each other laughing and racing each other to the driveway. I don’t tell him enough but after 25 years of marriage he is still my rock and my inspiration. I see the things he has accomplished and I find I have no excuse but to keep trying. I have a goal of 10 pounds in the next 4 weeks and the only way I can achieve it is by leaning on those that are walking with me in this battle. I hope you have a source of encouragement and motivation. Find one and reach out to those around you if not, it can make all the difference in the world.
You are braver than you believe,
Stronger than you seem,
Smarter than you think
Loved more than you’ll ever know.
This week has been tough getting back on track with detoxing from our annual church campout. I went in with a plan and good intentions to eat healthy. Friday night I found myself with an ice cream cone filled with goodies toasted over the fire…..and the weekend continued in all its fried food and gooey goodness. I swear there is a green eyed monster inside me that craves sugar. Once I start I can’t seem to stop. Over the last couple of years I have learned so much about physical strength and toughness when working out and I know mental toughness is key during a tough workout (this week I have 2 blisters and 2 skinned knees to prove it). I remember being on mile 10 in my first half marathon when my phone rang and it was my husband calling to encourage me. I just wanted him to come get me or make it stop. I persurveered and the accomplishment I felt afterwards was so rewarding. That mental toughness I had been working on at the gym had paid off (not to mention running it with encouraging friends). I am learning I need that same mental toughness and self control when eating. I find myself going to the kitchen nightly and wanting to graze. It has been a habit of mine for years. I have tried all the tools of turning the lights off in the kitchen, pictures of skinny me on the pantry door, goals on the fridge, I still graze. It dawned on me this week that the mind is a muscle as well and it can be strengthened as well. I may not win every battle but each time I reject that grazing reflex I am getting stronger (you know what doesn’t kill you). My faith is playing a huge part in this battle. God will not share his glory with anything else and He wants the glory for this work He is doing. I am tired of being a prisoner of the past and if the girl that can do all the crazy stuff at the gym decides to take on this eating…she can do anything. “Don’t take orders from a cookie” was on one of my motivational cards and I really took that to heart when it was followed up by “Give God your weakness and He will give you His strength”. I don’t want to be ruled by the cravings of the flesh, I want food to take its place which is just nourishment for the body. I have had many years of eating for celebration, stress, boredom and so on….. Each day I become mentally stronger is a day closer to putting food in its rightful place. It says in Romans “We are more than conquerors through Him who loved us”.
I can’t tell you how many times I was asked what I have done these last few weeks. People want to know “What are you doing?” We’ll there is no secret answer. I have noticed over the years there are so many “diets” out there that claim to be the “one”. There is the old grapefruit diet, the cabbage diet, the Adkins, as well as hundreds of others. I have learned the secret and it’s pretty simple……..are you ready……calories in = calories out! Continue reading
When the enemy tells you you’re going to fail at something, do it anyway. Nothing is more frightening than never changing. Continue reading
I love the song Overcomer by Mandissa. The journey I have been on this past year and 3 months has all been about overcoming. Today has been the best day for good news! I have been on Metformin for my diabetes for 14 months and today the Dr. Said the magic words (not so magic because it was all dedication and hard work) “I am taking you off your Metformin, and I would call you a non-diabetic”. I know I will always have this disease but being able to manage it with diet and exercise is words I have longed to hear! The woman that was beaten down and discouraged thinking it was too big a mountain to climb reached the top today! Continue reading